Apply to be My slave

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This is only the First Step of your Application process.

The effort of reading your slobbering ramblings will probably be torture in its own rights, so do your best to be articulate. Use proper punctuation. Do not use abbreviations, your inadequate piece of hanging skin is the only abbreviation I can tolerate!

If you will manage to successfully complete this first task, and not be a grammatically and mentally challenged dolt, I will reply to the address you provided, and most likely interview you further.

The final step will include a customized Contract, tailored around your personal weaknesses, your intimate, most shameful secrets, which I will stir and expand deeper and deeper into your ugly pig skull all day, every day, even while you sleep!

Be patient! I receive tons of Applications on a daily basis, so don’t put your pants on your head, fred.

If you do not receive a reply in a week (more if I am traveling, but I do update My status, so you should know how available I may or may not be), then your Application was deemed irrelevant and unworthy. Insert coin and try again!

Have I made Myself clear? Good, get on with the program, freak!

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