How to “polish the pen” at the office – The Wankerpig’s HANDbook

As some of you wanking wonders in training already know, making you wank at work and keeping you on edge all day, is a key ingredient in My memory reprogramming techniques and piggy mindset alterations, not to mention a fun way to remind you who’s in charge throughout the day, causing an entertaining mindwarp in your twisted brain, by shifting you in and out of sub-space and back to your desk, working hard for ME.

It is a sine qua non step with immense benefits: the pig in training performs much better at his job. Lots of minions got promoted, or at the very least got a pay raise for their visibly improved performance; the pig has Me on his mind constantly, which helps a gread deal in staying focused on what’s truly important in life: Me, My happiness, and the goals I set for piggy!

No need to get into any more details; the following instructions are for those suck-ass-pussyboys who keep making up excuses, trying to skip this important step that’s crucial in their evolution. Stop sucking at life, read and learn!

Get in the mood 

Most loyal worshipers are way past the psychological barriers imposed by their work environment. Whenever I send a voice message, a task-by-mail, or a key phrase meant to keep its true meaning away from the IT guys – they instantly enter erection mode.

Beginners and Princessholics who only recently have joined the Program, on the other hand, sometimes have a hard… time.

Just let Me know about it. I will make sure to send you customized text messages that will be so humiliating and degrading, you might spew your sissy sauce before you even get up. This is a temporary side effect. Deal with it and enjoy!

Once the perv engine is up and running at full speed, and all those piggy’esque fantasies are dancing in your head, it’s time for…

The Corporate Crapper

Now’s the moment you should be walking towards the restrooms. Make sure the door is locked, and you’re ready to go.

Pull out your little piece of yuck, and do what you’ve learned in sixth grade summer camp. you just have a revelation and realize it makes perfect sense, since your dicklette is still the same size!

If there are multiple stalls, pick the one that’s the farthest from the entrance door. If your coworkers believe you’re constipated, even better! Try some of those grunts and groans.

End it when you must 

If your sissy bitch cock lovin’ coworker has sonic diarrhea from being used as a communal cum bucket by your Boss and all of his faggot friends, and he just so happened to pick the stall right next to yours, it’s time for you to go.

Anyway, you can’t be in there buttering the sausage for more than ten minutes – you don’t wanna raise suspicions, nor get close to release. Complete your assignment quick, and get back to your desk. I’ll decide how long your mortifying masturbation session will last, depending on how premature you are, or on your average score. There are loads of tests involved.

Get a WankAPP

Load some interracial gay porn on your phone, place it strategically on the toilet paper wall holder, so you can watch Big Black Weapons of Ass Destruction 4 – Hetero bitchboy gets Gang-Raped for further immersion. Don’t forget to mute it. And don’t wear headphones, it looks fishy.

Erase all traces

If you have an “accident”, if somehow I allow you release, or if it’s one of those times when I want you to squirt your cerebral juices because I have a hidden agenda, don’t shoot all over the door. Don’t wipe your hand on the wall. Shoot in your palm, swallow it all, lick it clean. Don’t forget to FLUSH!

Be creative

If the corporate crapper isn’t exciting enough, try other unwanked, errr unwalked corners of the building. It’s gonna be like going bareback at the adult bookstore: so dangerously hot, but so extremely stupid it could fuck up your life, ha ha ha! Just keep an eye out for cameras, you don’t want your corporate piece of hanging skin to go viral, do you?

In case you get caught

Be honest about it, nobody’s gonna buy your sob story about how you can’t shit unless you pull your pee pee to the left, and you were pulling it so hard because you were constipated.
If your boss is a male-pig and not a Woman, he might understand. Or you can just go get a cashier job at a Sex Shop.

Wash your hands

Because you’re not a savage, you fuck!

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